The Golden State of Mind

These are clips, stories, feelings, dreams, and thoughts from my life. The items here are true. Some names have been left out or changed for privacy purposes. Caution, some posts are intense. This is Me, RAW.

She Held Him Only For A Moment

The love she had always been waiting for was now hanging by a tread.

She agreed to drive him to the station. She held him only a brief moment.
The night showed itself making her tears feel cold against her cheek.

The love she had always been waiting for was now hanging by a tread.

Only a silhouette in the window of a leaving train.

Why Did That One Guy Leave You?

You’re currently single and you’re not sure why. I mean look at you. You’re decent looking on average and a hottie when you really try. But, your luck with the fellas hasn’t been good. There have been a few guys in your life recently. They show interest in you and it always seems to start off great, but then out of nowhere they stop texting or stop wanting to hang out and they become distant until eventually they no longer speak to you.

What happened? Here’s the cold truth about what most likely happened.

1) You suck at sex. Did he stop talking to you right after you were both intimate? If so, you suck at sex. Even if a guy only has the intention to hit and quit, if the sex is good, he’ll come back for seconds. If he didn’t, then you need to freshen up those skills.

2) He hasn’t felt a boob. Have you hung out more than 3 times and he still hasn’t felt a boob? A man will lose interest in a female if he sees that the potential for sex isn’t there. The more attractive the woman, the more likely the man is willing to invest time with no sex. If you really don’t want to have sex, but want the guy to stick around, there are tricks to doing that. But, I’ll talk about those later.

3) You came on too strong. You were excited because it seemed like you had finally met a guy with some potential. But, you wanted to hang out too often. You never gave him a chance to miss you. You text him several times a day. In his mind, you became too easy and he lost interest. Like a cat who loses interest on an object when it stops moving, men love to chase a girl, if she doesn’t run he’ll lose interest.

4) He found a better match. As you probably already know, the dating life is a funny thing. You can go months in a drought, then suddenly meet a few guys within the same time period. Now you find yourself having to choose between them. Well, the same thing happens to guys. And, frankly if you’re guilty of any of the above, he’ll most likely go with the other girl. Unless, she’s just prettier than you. That’ll do it too.

5) You were too dumb or too smart. This is the least likely of the two, but it happens. Two people can be physically attracted to each other, but if they’re not able to hold an interesting conversation with each other due to I.Q. differences then it won’t work. I mean, there’s only so much sex people can have before they have to talk.

I know it’s possible that the guy was just simply a jerk, but if you’re wondering what happened to that one guy, the possibility is very high that it was one of the above things. I know it may seem harsh to talk to a girl about relationships in the same manner that guys would would talk to one another, but let’s face it, sometimes you ladies need it.

The Reason

I heard you were curious about me.
Let me stop you right there.

Not because I think you aren’t good enough.
Not because I think I’m better.
Not because I think you’re immature.

I heard you had fallen in love with me.
Let me stop you right there.

Not because I think you aren’t good enough.
Not because I think I’m better.
Not because I think you’re immature.

I heard you started saying bad things about me.
Let me stop you right there.

Because I know you aren’t good enough.
Because I know I’m better.
Because you’ve proven you’re immature.

You Ehh Not You

This post isn’t for you. It’s for her. The one before you. No, not you either. I’m thinking about her. The one who was brief, but left a mark she doesn’t even know about.

I turned my back on her for no reason at all, so now I can’t tell her that, despite being a few lovers deep, It’s her face I see when the night ends. I’ve seen her with another and faked not being faced.

And, I doubt that I will get a second chance from her. My pride won’t let me ask anyway. It’s fine. I’m too stupid to realize that I am suffering for her. No not you, or you. I’m talking about her. You Ehh Not You.

In the middle of the crowd

Beautiful dresses on skins of different tones. Some hug the thighs while others hang a bit more loosely. The air has a hue of gold. Everyone seems to be congratulating someone for something. The flash and flicker of photos fill the room. People calling out to other people to join their photo, trying to save this moment forever.

Meanwhile I stand somewhere in the lonely part of the room. Hoping that no one will notice that no one is here for me. Trying to plot the fastest way to exit with the least amount of witnesses. I take a few last glances around the room. I spot a couple beautiful beings that have fallen in my arms before. The victims of my irresponsible hunt. They now go out of their way to avoid my eyes. I smile because I don’t blame them.

I walk home in the safety of the dark night. Alone with my thoughts. Recalling all the people I have hurt. Asking the sky why it has given me a soul that forever craves something better, even when what it has seems perfect.

It seems ironic. A person that is so good with people destined to be in the middle of a crowd, alone forever.

You say, I say.

You say you have fallen in love.
I say you have fallen on your head.

You say you’d give anything for my love.
I say you’d take anything just to feel love.

You say your knees shake when I kiss you.
I say your knees shake with any cool breeze.

You say what we have is unique and timeless.
I say what we have is purely physical and mindless.

You say you have images of us conquering the world.
I say you need to read a few books and drink some water.

The Needy Fellas.

Some fellas love to complain about how girls don’t recognize what a great catch they are. They go on and on bad mouthing girls who won’t return their call or text back. These guys can’t stand to be alone. They feel uneasy being with themselves. They have an irrational need to be around a girl.

If by some chance they happen to get lucky, they will spend the next day overly content with themselves. Bragging about the new notch. Then, 24 hours later they need attention again.

What these guys don’t realize is that they are pushing those same girls away with their annoying need for attention. These guys lack a self identity. How can they expect a girl to want to be around a guy who has no clue who he is?

If you are one of these guys, stop being so fucking needy. Spend some time figuring out who you are. You’d be surprised how awesome you already are, but just don’t realize it because you’re too busy chasing female attention. When you are happy with yourself and proud with who you are, true ladies will recognize it.

The next time you are alone for a whole day and feel uneasy with it, have a conversation with yourself. Speak to yourself out loud if you need to. Ask yourself what makes YOU unique and what YOU are passionate about and what makes YOU worthy of yourself.

You’ll soon realize that you need yourself more than you need anyone else. This will make you respect yourself and by default will prevent you from landing on the bed of a random girl who may not deserve you.

In fact, when the right girl does come into your life, she will recognize you because of your strong self identity. And, you will recognize her for having great taste in men.

How Peaceful It Is

How peaceful it is
when I’m finally alone in my room
with the door closed and the light off.

How peaceful it is
when the glow of this computer screen
distracts me from you
and that curve of your hip
that leads to your ass
gift wrapped in black lace.

How peaceful it is
when I’m heavy with sleep
and my only companion
is my misplaced remote
and the old drool on my pillow.

Taken 1/20/14 with HTC Amaze phone in San Jose, CA.

Taken 1/20/14 with HTC Amaze phone in San Jose, CA.


She wanted to know my motives.

When this beautiful woman,
whose thighs have wrapped me in the dark,
locks her deep pained eyes with mine,
my midnight world explodes with rays of light.
I regain the ability to be me in an unoriginal world.
She does that to me.
Such amazing things become possible,
when this beautiful woman
crushes every single fear with a smile.
I don’t know if I’ll love her in a year,
but I know I loved her now,
until she interrupted me
by asking for motives.